


When did it all change?

by fadingsunlight



Category: BokuAka - Fandom, haikyuu
Genre: Angst, M/M, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27381343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadingsunlight/pseuds/fadingsunlight
Summary: When did the noise of two hearts beating turned to one heart silently crying?
Relationships: Married - Relationship
Kudos: 5





	When did it all change?

He’s been my home ever since he told me his name. Every poem I make and every song I listen to is him. And if I were given a million chances to choose and redo my story, I’ll choose him over and over again.

“Bokuto-san, dinner is ready.” I called out his name with love, like I always do. By the way, I cooked his favorite food and I hope he remembers something when he gets a taste of the love and admiration I put into it.

I saw him walk out of our room where great memories take place, but bad ones too.

“Akaashi.” Oh how I love the sound of my name when it’s his voice that says it and his mouth that utters it but -

“Won’t you eat?” 

“Ah right, sorry. I will.” 

The rustling of eating utensils and the little noise of chewing are the only things that can be heard in this small dining room. It has always been like this. It seems like there is a silent and absolute rule he implemented not to talk when eating. 

“Bokuto-san, how was -”

“I prefer silence when eating. Thanks.” 

I could still remember the coldness in his voice and absence of emotions in his eyes when he said that on our first night as married.

“I’m done.” He stood up and put his plate, spoon and fork on our kitchen sink.

“Let’s talk later.” 

“Okay.” Is this it? Cause if it is, I wanna go back to the time where his eyes sparkled whenever he saw me, his voice sounded like the melody of love whenever he called me and his face painted with enthusiasm whenever he’s with me.

When I entered our room, he only had a towel wrapped around his waist, probably just got out of shower. I’ll miss this sight. I’ll miss watching the water dripping from his hair through his body and down. I’ll miss the smell of his shampoo and shaving cream. I’ll miss him because even though he does not tell me yet, I already know what he’s going to say.

“How many years has it been, Ji?” He said as he put on his boxers and shirt.

“10 years since we’ve started dating plus 3 years since we’re married.” 13 years, Bokuto, can you really throw it away? Just like that? Cause I can’t, I don’t want to.

“Has it really been that long? Hahaha it just feels like yesterday when we first met each other.” Every moment we have together always seems short, that’s why we decided to spend a lifetime. Bokuto, do you still remember? All your promises and sweet I love yous?

“Yes, it has.” Silence. Never thought a day would come that I will hate silence because I loved it so much. The silence can let us feel each other’s love and let us hear each other’s heart beat. Silence used to sing us a song of joy but now, all I could hear are the secret wishes of “I wanna stop” and “please love me again” like a broken recording.

“Can you… can you get straight to the point?” Though I hope you don’t because I don’t want this to end even though I am the only one still in love.

“Akaashi.”

“I know. But I still want to hear it from you.” Because even though I knew, unless I hear it from you, I will still hope that everything I was thinking of are just illusions.

“I..” Look at me Bokuto, say it while looking straight at my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Akaashi.” If you’re really sorry, why can’t you look at me?

“For?” As if on cue, he raised his head and stared at me. Those eyes that speak words the mouth couldn’t say, can you just keep staring at me?

“I.. I loved you.” Loved.

“You were my world, you were my everything. I was happy with you.” 

“You’re using past tense. How about now? Where were your promises of the future?”  
“Wait, listen first.” I nodded, as if I had a choice not to. As if I had another choice to not let you go.

“When you arrived in my life, I felt more alive. You painted my empty canvas with beautiful sceneries. You filled my empty notebooks with poetry I will never get tired of reading. Heck, you even filled my empty vocabulary with words I didn't even know existed long before I met you.” Bokuto-san, hearing those words really shows how long we’ve been together and how much you have adapted from me. Because you were never the poetic type, you just use simple words but mean a lot.

“But Akaashi, I…”

“You fell out of love?” It’s scary how easy it is to fall in love at the same time, it’s also easy to fall out of love.

“I…”

“Or you fell in love with him?” Just tell me, please.

“I fell out of love, and I fell in love again but this time, it’s not you. I’m sorry, Akaashi.” This time, he says those words while looking directly at my eyes. And the tears I’ve been holding for awhile and the tears that I’ve been hiding all those years have finally decided to show and pour.

“I know.” I was just waiting for you to tell me. “But can you grant me just this one request?”

“Make it two.”

“Can I have the house?” This house holds our memories, the ones I can’t let go. And every corner reminds me of how happy home was, the comfort of your arms and the Sunday mornings we have.

“Sure. You can have this.”

“And the second one -” I ran to him with tears still flowing and kissed him gently. “For the last time. Please.” 

His kisses were always gentle. He was always gentle with me. For those 10 years we’ve been together, I never felt neglected. He always made sure I am loved.

He was always talkative, even when we were eating. He won’t run out of stories to tell. He always has something to say. His smiles and his presence would always remind me of the sun, because aside from his hotness, it is blindingly bright and comforting.

I can even clearly remember the promises of lifetime we made during those years, his nervousness when he asked me “will you marry me?” while kneeling and the way his face lighted up when I said “yes”.

But when did the heat of the sun turn to the coldness of the winter and the noise of two hearts beating turn to one heart silently crying? When did it all change?

Everytime I wake up, I always see him by my side, soundly sleeping and his arm wrapped around me. And today, I opened my eyes hoping everything was a dream. But when I looked around, all I saw was emptiness. Empty cabinet, empty bed, empty house and an empty heart.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to apologize for any grammatical error. Also, sorry if the plot is kinda messed up and unorganized. I admit there are some things I forgot to point out and I had this urge no to touch the story anymore because the outcome might change.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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